Betrayal is defined as the sense of being harmed by the intentional acts or ommissions of a trusted person.

The most common types of betrayal are harmful disclosures of confidential information, disloyalty, infidelity and dishonesty.

(Patrick Carnes "The Betrayal Bond" pg. 2)

Betrayal trauma is a unique type of trauma in which the nature of the relationship contributes to the level of trauma. 

Betrayal trauma is defined as trauma when:

• the violation is done by someone who you depend on for survival, safety, and security.
• the expectation of trust and well-being is significantly violated.
• results in being less aware or unable to recall the traumatic experience; doing so would threaten the relationship and individual's survival.

(Betrayal & Beyond pg. 34)

No. Infidelity can be found in situations with an affair(s); but not ONLY in the case of an affair(s).

Significant research shows that betrayal trauma symptoms, pain and dysfunction shows up the same in the betrayed partner in cases where there is porn use vs. affairs. 

The Bible agrees:

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 

Matthew 5:28

No. Betrayal Trauma can occur if you have had a violation of trust by someone you trusted. That includes many situations. 

This could be any abuse from a loved one or someone you trusted. It could be the continual deception from a loved one or someone you trusted that may be an addict. It could be a toxic relationship with someone you trusted. 

A partner, family member, friend could betray your trust in many ways and it could cause betrayal trauma.

It could be one big violation/event  or many small violations that add up to cause the trauma.

I understand this question comes up for many women. 

His addiction and abusive patterns are his responsiblity to recover from. It is NOT your fault in any way! However, it has spilled into your life and is affecting you; body, mind and spirit. 

Think of it this way: if you were a passenger in a car and you got in a car accident and you got wounded from it. It would not be your fault; but you would not lay on the side of the road waiting for the driver to get help thinking that  would automatically heal you. No, you would go to the hospital to get the help you need to heal your wounds so you get back to your normal lifestyle. 

Betrayal trauma is much the same way. It's what happened to you that hurts you in such a way that you need heal your wounds so you can live your life to your fullest potential like God desires for you.

Betrayal trauma is a unique kind of trauma that has a unique way of healing. It is best to get specialized help to get the correct healing that you deserve.  It can be very costly to you if you don't get the right help. You can sometimes spend lots of time and money for traditional help that isn't betrayal trauma trained and end up getting more hurt and more trauma. I have heard of countless woman say that this has happened to them, including myself.

Look at it this way: if your knee is hurting you in a way that is hindering your lifestyle and you are unable to do all that you normally are capable of, you wouln't go to the dentist to help you. You would need a doctor who specializes in the knee and leg area to take care of you properly to get you back to being able to enjoy your lifestyle normally again.

YES! I am in contact with a network of Certified Professional Mentors™ who are trustworthy and are successful at mentoring men through recovery for sex addiction or Intimacy Anorexia®. 

Intimacy Anorexia® is the active withholding of emotional, spiritual, and/or sexual intimacy from a spouse or significant other. 

This active withholding impacts the spouse or partner significantly causing emotional trauma, pain, and anxiety. 

However, intimacy anorexics continue their patterns of behavior regardless of the hurt they are causing. 

(Dr. Doug Weiss)

There are 11 characteristics to look at to discern if the lack of intimacy you may be experiencing is a result of Intimacy Anorexia®. It is best to talk to someone who knows more about Intimacy Anorexia® before assuming it is Intimacy Anorexia®. You may contact me to ask questions about IA. I am IA informed.

Below is a brief explanation of the characteristics:

(from Dr. Doug Weiss)

1. Busy - Intimacy anorexics stay so busy that they have little time for their spouse.

2. Blame - The intimacy anorexic will blame their spouse for the problems in the marriage.

3. Withholding Love - Intimacy anorexics actively withhold love the way their spouses like to be loved.

4. Withholding Praise - Intimacy anorexics do not regularly give praise to their spouses privately.

5. Withholding Sex - Not all intimacy anorexics withhold sex, but most intimacy anorexics withhold intimacy during sex when they do have it.

6. Withholding Spiritually - Intimacy anorexics can be very religious or a spiritual leader, but they rarely connect spiritually at home.​

7. Unable to Share Feelings - The intimacy anorexic is someone who is unwilling or unable to share their feelings with their spouse.

8. Criticism - Ongoing or ungrounded criticism toward their partner or spouse is another characteristic of intimacy anorexia.

9. Anger / Silence - An intimacy anorexic can use anger or silence to control their spouse.

10. Money - This is the least common feature of intimacy anorexia, but when it’s present, it is really strong. The intimacy anorexic will use money to control or shame the spouse.

11. Roommate - The spouse of the intimacy anorexic feels as if they are a roommate rather than a spouse. This is common with intimacy anorexics because they avoid connecting emotionally.

More information can be found at the Intimacy Anorexia® website.